You are really fat!

I know I am carrying the extra pounds that the holiday’s parties left around my ever expanding waist, I know it! I know that I need a diet; I know I have to reduce my food and wine intake, and I know I need to go back to my daily running routine. I know all of that. But what I also know is that the last thing I need right now, during these very first month of the year in which I trying to pour all my positive energy on my resolutions… is for somebody to say “Hey, you are really fat!”

            Today, after the very difficult first 10 minutes of my morning run, I stumbled into a Cuba acquaintance who just said: “You are really fat,” and then continued: “Oh my God, you really gained some weight.” I put a very brave smile and tried to excuse myself: “well, you know… the Holiday parties, the food…” But he wanted to keep the conversation on the same theme: “I saw you running and I thought: ‘why in the world is she running, she is only getting fatter’?”

            After finally getting rid of the guy (and I didn’t killed him as I should have) I continued my run even with more motivation, but without the positive feeling that had accompanied my during the first minutes; now I was angry, frustrated, a little depressed, somewhat offended and very surprised that someone could be so rude.

            This is not the first time this thing happens to me here in Cuba (where we have been living for the last 4 and half years); it is actually the 5^th or the 6^th  time (at least). After the first couple of times I was greeted with the “you look fat” statement, I talked about it with a more experienced expat in the island, and she told that in here this is more a compliment than a negative critic.

            After the collapse of the Soviet Union, my friend said, most people in Cuba were extremely thin, there was little food in the stores and little money in the hands of the Cubans. Back then, to say that somebody looked fat was a compliment and many people say it as a compliment to this day. To say that you look fat is like to say that you look prosperous, that one can tell you eat well, that life is good to you. “Saying that you were fat was something good, not bad at all,” explains my housekeeper who nowadays is somewhat bothered when someone makes a comment about her weight.

            But even with those explanations I am still bothered when somebody calls me fat. I am all for body acceptance but I don’t need anybody to tell me I am bigger, I already know it, I am reminded every day by my tight fit clothing, by my scale, by the mirror… and I am taking steps to correct it, so please don’t rub it in my face.

            But the reason I am bothered by this comment is the fact that in the cultures I have lived and grown (Mexico and the U.S.A.) being fat is not synonymous with being prosperous; being fat is synonymous of being lazy, undisciplined, ugly, unhealthy and weak… among others. And that is why I consider that in any normal circumstance it is not nice to call anybody fat. In our culture gaining weight is bad and loosing weight is good.  The only exception is when there is a severe illness involved.

            So, knowing that in Cuba the word “fat” has another connotation makes me feel a little better, but just a little. Being called fat (no matter if you are a few pounds overweight or obese) is hurtful and rude.

            And yes, I know that many people that advocate for body acceptance (and as said before I am all for it) defend the word fat as something that should be said, accepted and embraced just as being called white, or black, or tall, or short… but it is not the same. The cultural connotation is too much.

            I recently read a blog entry by blogger Kate Harding, at Salon.com, she criticized those who called overweight people with euphemisms such as “big beautiful woman or person of size or voluptuous or plump or fluffy,” while trying to soften the word “fat.” I agree with Harding, who in the world wants to be called “fluffy”?! But I agree with her just to a point. She defends the word fat, and I believe neither that word nor the euphemisms should be used.

            As said before, the overweight person already know the situation, there is no need to rub it in her or his face. Why is it that the common sense norms of decorum hold us from going around telling people things such as: “hey, you have way more acne that the last time I saw you,” or “you really got old in the last two years,” or “you are getting kind of bald,” or “I never noticed you had so many wrinkles?” We don’t do it, because even if we think about it we know that a comment as such would hurt the other person. Well, the same with the word “fat” it hurts, and it does nothing to help in the situation.

            I just say lets avoid that adjective as much as possible, especially when talking to the persons’ face.  Let’s be nice to each other, and if we can’t say something like “hey, you look good,” let’s at least say something like “hey, good to see you running!”